The other week, my Mom called me and asked me how I was. I said good. My real life is going great. Oscar and Cal are doing great. But my not-real life, my TV life, isn’t going too well. They kicked off the autistic kid on the Glee Project. (The Glee Project is that reality show where they have a talent competition to see who gets to be on Glee next season.) The judges kept saying the autistic kid made odd acting choices and he kept getting in trouble for not following directions well. They loved him but Ryan Murphy said he thought going to the beat of your own drummer was important but the autistic kid couldn’t fit into Glee.
I was really annoyed cause there is this Turkish Muslim girl on the show and Ryan Murphy’s like, girls are really going to be inspired by you. Muslim girls are not being represented.
I’m like, what about me? I was really inspired by the autistic kid being on Glee. It was nice to see people appreciate the autistic kid and think he had talent and want to give him a job. Ryan Murphy, what about all the Mom’s of autistic kids who want to believe someday their kid will be able to get a job?
But I knew from the beginning, the autistic contestant would not make it on the show. I wouldn’t hire him. Not because he’s not cute or not talented but because he is way too much work. He has special needs–by definition. He has more needs and it’s a pain in the ass when you have to get things done.
Even though it’s just a TV show, I’ve been in a little bit of a funk since the autistic kid got kicked off of The Glee Project. I guess the fact that Ryan Murphy loved the autistic kid and he was doing well on the show, I took it as a sign that Cal is going to be OK. People will love him and appreciate him and want to give him a job and realize how special he is. “Look, it’s cool to be autistic, you can be on Glee.” I know Ryan Murphy doesn’t decide what happens to Cal. Cal decides what he’s going to do and the Universe and God. I want some help. I just want someone big and powerful to say, don’t worry, you’re son’s going to be OK. You don’t have to do anything anymore. I want the load off of me.
When my typical son, Oscar was 5, we went to see The Whiz in downtown Atlanta. I felt kinda bad cause it was just a spontaneous thing I decided to take Oscar to on Christmas Eve and so I was wearing jeans and Oscar wasn’t dressed up. So everyone else in the audience was African American and serious and dressed up. I didn’t think much about what we wore before. The play was really cool and Oscar was very into it. It was so cute because at intermission we went out to use the bathroom and the bells rang that it was time to go inside. Oscar and I went in but most everyone else stayed out in the food area eating and chatting. Oscar couldn’t believe it. He said, don’t they want to know what’s going to happen? Oscar was so into the story and waiting for intermission to end to see what happened to the characters he couldn’t believe people were taking their time coming back in the theater. As we were waiting for the show to begin the 2nd Act, I read the program. The director wrote, “If you carry something that might be a load, give it to God, and then ease on down the road.”
I want to believe Cal will be OK, and is OK. So I asked God what I should do and God said, “Just believe it, what can it hurt? Ryan Murphy didn’t control what you believed about Cal. You just decided Cal is going to be OK and used the Glee Project as evidence of that. You did all that yourself. Ryan Murphy and the show was just what you picked as evidence. Decide Cal is OK and will be OK and pick other evidence. You decided it before and can do it again and I’ll help you. You won’t have to do anything.”
So this is why autism is cool. I know I can decide how I want to view the world — good or bad. Its up to me and I’m going to use God to help me whenever I want. Before Cal, I didn’t realize how much control I have over how I feel and what I believe. Also, I didn’t use God that much. Now, I use God a lot. Thank you Cal for that.
can’t wait to see you all,
mom
Comment by ellen sandor — August 9, 2012 @ 3:02 pm
Each week I was amazed at the talent, drive and maturity of all contestants. I was also impressed at the determination to pursue such an incredibly competitive and difficult field … the performing arts is not a career choice, it has to be a passion.
So instead of watching this season, week to week, and becoming emotionally drained, I have decided to wait until they run the entire season, back-to-back all on one day so I can watch it all at once and know the outcome all at once and perhaps spare myself some of the emotional angst … just get into the last episode which is full of joy, relief and celebration.
However, from my Season 1 obsession I do recall that the final 14 were selected from 40,000 applicants …. 40,000. So, to me, even becoming one of the final contestants is a win. Each week that goes by without being eliminated, another win.
Charlie is a winner.
But I am writing to thank you. Thank you for sharing your story of “The Whiz” and thank you for reminding me to ask God for help. Buried under mountains of yellow to-do sticky-tabs, appointment books, e-mails, dockets … I feel frenzied but think I am in control ….. as I fly out of control.
I found peace and power in your blog. Thank you.
Yoko
Comment by Yoko Jablonski — August 10, 2012 @ 7:27 pm
Kelly Searsmith
Comment by Kelly Searsmith — August 11, 2012 @ 9:57 pm
I didn’t watch the Glee Project, but I suspect all types of candidates were eliminated. The autistc person was the same as everyone else. That’s a good thing.Comment by Cheryl taub — August 15, 2012 @ 12:32 pm
Penya, I don’t think we have seen the last of Charlie … I certainly hope not, he is a unique talent — I could not stop watching him. I was cheering for Charlie because I thought he had the most talent .. he was awesome.
I had an after thought a few days after I wrote my first comment: If this show did not exist, we would not have met any of these talented kids … just like on Project Runway (my reality show addiction) — some of the contestants who did not win the big prize — well, we have seen more of them than some of the season winners.
I understand your POV and because you shared, well, you gave us beautiful, powerful, thought-provoking writing, thank you!
I love your blog!
-Yoko
Comment by Yoko Jablonski — August 16, 2012 @ 1:26 pm
that’s the biggest compliment — i love nora ephron. that means a lot to me!Comment by SiteAdmin — August 16, 2012 @ 7:36 pm
but really it’s not about chance but about
hard effort, perseverance and “by the grace of
G-D.” If you are ok, Cal will be ok. Your
family will be ok. I don’t watch Glee but I
understand the cause célèbre for having an
autistic person on the show. How amazing for
all of us to see and be given the opportunity
to educate ourselves and our children that being
different is ok. “Just imagine, if you find the strength
and confidence you too can be in Glee!” What a teaching
moment for my kids. It’s ok not to win, it’s ok not
to be the best; what a proud child and family he
must have. I’m sad I didn’t see the show. But Im blessed that i know you
and have you and your family in my life! G-D works
in mysterious ways!Comment by Eda — August 18, 2012 @ 2:10 pm
It is so heart warming to read your blog. Cal and all autistic kids are so lucky to have you in their corner, and what a community of supporters you have developed through your beautifully written blog. Growing up good friends of my parents, who we spent a lot of time with had two autistic daughters, through them I learned so much about patience, affection, and innocence. There are lots of different kinds of OK and you are so right that we create our own “OK.” I really believe that because of you and parents/families who are as supportive and open, Cal and other Autistic kids are going to be OK.Cheers,
Jean
From the Film Center, A friend of Ellen’s
Comment by Jean de St. Aubin — August 24, 2012 @ 12:04 pm
that means a lot to me that you commented and what you said!