Choosing Happiness over Looking Cool

Before my son had autism, I thought being cynical was cool.

Psychologists and psychiatrists have coached me on how to seduce Cal into “our” world. I used to really hate people. My job, if I want to help cure my son, is to sell that being with people is more desirable than spacing out. If I want to be successful in selling this to my son, I have to believe that the world is a good place to be in. I now believe that the world is a good place and not a shitty place.

Every day, I do many things to be more loving to myself. It feels good to love myself and to love other people.

Thank you, Cal  – if you didn’t have autism, I would think that making loving myself a top priority is embarrassing and not cool.  I now give myself permission to passionately look for the beauty in everything and I have so much more joy and peace in my life!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 18th, 2009 at 8:15 pm and is filed underUncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.



6 Responses to “Choosing Happiness over Looking Cool”


Julie says:

that’s a beautiful and profound sentiment. thanks to Cal for passing that lesson on to me as well.


ellen sandor says:

As usual, beyond special. thank you for sharing this blog with all of us.


Eric says:

It feels good to Love you too.
Enjoying the journey


yoko says:

‘i thought being cynical was cool’

Such powerful words they stopped me in my tracks — took my breathe away.

Then I felt a physical sweep of total, unbearable anguish. Then a desire, a need, to reach out and hug you — not for you, maybe for you, but as the only way I could think to quell the anguish I was feeling … make it stop.

Then I realised I actually did not understand the words, your words — well, intellectually understood — but I could not feel them as you felt them as you you wrote them. I am actually glad for this incomprehension but am now needing to understand, needing to be able to feel, but I cannot.

Am I Cal?

Are we all Cal?


After I caught my breathe I continued to read and Eric’s response has brought me to tears — good tears, but tears nonetheless.

I can comprehend and feel Eric’s words.

You, Cal and Oscar have a firm pillar in Eric … more tears, happy tears.


Although I intended to peruse your entire blog tonight, I have to cease now.

Keep writing Penya – your words, bravery and honesty are beautiful, powerful, emotionally upsetting, but so necessary and helpful and connecting.

I hope writing them is helpful to you as well.


(My grammar, typing, syntax and spelling are atrocious — this is the last time I shall acknowledge.)


richard says:

I cried too. They were tears of shared pain but more importantly of happiness. Happiness over the woman, wife and mother you have become. I am so proud of you. You are a constant source of joy and a beacon to me. I love you. Dad


SiteAdmin says:

my tears were because i was feeling really happy. it felt awesome to let go of a belief that wasn’t helping me.