I am tired, really tired. Last night I went to sleep at 7pm. The past two days, this guy came to my house and helped me to change my brain. Raun Kaufman, who runs the Son-Rise program and used to be autistic, flew here on Sunday to train me and my team.
Raun told me what other big autism experts have told me before: If I want to help cure my son, I’ve got to be way more energetic, enthusiastic and exciting in the playroom.
So after Raun suggested I be more energetic, I thought, “Fuck – I can’t do this. I’ve been told by different people for the last eight years to be more energetic. If I’m not more energetic by now, it’s not happening.”
Raun asked me if I had ever been energetic with Cal. I said yes. Raun asked me why I didn’t think I could be energetic with my son considering I have done it before. I said I haven’t been able to do it consistently before. After many hours of our consultation, Raun said, “You’re saying you want to be more energetic with Cal, but you are building a case for why you can’t do it.”
He also said that after talking to me often over the last two years, he noticed that I have a pattern. I’ll say something is good for me and then give arguments of why I can’t or won’t do it. For example I’ll say, “I think I would be happier if I believed I’m a good person and didn’t need other people to say I’m a good person in order for me to feel good.” Then, I’ll list and argue many reasons why it would be dangerous if I didn’t worry about what other people thought about me. (i.e. I would argue that if I didn’t care about what other people think of me, I wouldn’t have any friends. I would say, if I didn’t worry about what other people thought about me, I would say things that would hurt other people.)
It was like a nice smack in the head. I want to actually believe and do things that I say are good for me, as opposed to argue why I can’t do them. I now believe I can be energetic with Cal in the playroom. I let go of the belief that since I couldn’t be energetic with Cal consistently in the past, I can’t do it now. I now believe I can really do it. So after I let go of my belief, I could really listen and be open to Raun’s suggestions about how to be more energetic. He suggested I celebrate Cal a lot more often and enthusiastically when Cal looks or talks to me. Raun said what he does is, when a kid looks at him, he doesn’t think, “I should celebrate now.”Instead, he feels grateful first, for what the kid is doing, and then the celebration comes more naturally. I did that the last two days and it really worked. It wasn’t hard work for me to be excited about Cal, when I was focused on being grateful for what he was doing(as opposed to thinking “I should celebrate him enthusiastically now”).
Thank you Cal – You got me here. At thirty-nine years-old, I have changed my brain and the way I think. And because of you, Cal, I believe I can continue to change for the rest of my life, no matter how I was before.
I feel grateful for you and your amazing family every day. I also feel grateful for Julie and her amazing family. I love you all! Keep being you.
It must be hard to be told to do anything more energetically when what we all probably need is more nap time! Kudos to you! I love the brain change concept. Very cool.
I think all of our brains could use some changing – especially mine. It’s great to know that you’re doing the work to actually make it happen! well done!
I think all of our brains could use some changing – especially mine. It’s great to know that you’re doing the work to actually make it happen! well done!