Before my son had autism, I thought being cynical was cool.
Psychologists and psychiatrists have coached me on how to seduce Cal into “our” world. I used to really hate people. My job, if I want to help cure my son, is to sell that being with people is more desirable than spacing out. If I want to be successful in selling this to my son, I have to believe that the world is a good place to be in. I now believe that the world is a good place and not a shitty place.
Every day, I do many things to be more loving to myself. It feels good to love myself and to love other people.
Thank you, Cal – if you didn’t have autism, I would think that making loving myself a top priority is embarrassing and not cool. I now give myself permission to passionately look for the beauty in everything and I have so much more joy and peace in my life!
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6 Responses to “Choosing Happiness over Looking Cool”
that’s a beautiful and profound sentiment. thanks to Cal for passing that lesson on to me as well.
As usual, beyond special. thank you for sharing this blog with all of us.
It feels good to Love you too.
Enjoying the journey
‘i thought being cynical was cool’
Such powerful words they stopped me in my tracks — took my breathe away.
Then I felt a physical sweep of total, unbearable anguish. Then a desire, a need, to reach out and hug you — not for you, maybe for you, but as the only way I could think to quell the anguish I was feeling … make it stop.
Then I realised I actually did not understand the words, your words — well, intellectually understood — but I could not feel them as you felt them as you you wrote them. I am actually glad for this incomprehension but am now needing to understand, needing to be able to feel, but I cannot.
Am I Cal?
Are we all Cal?
After I caught my breathe I continued to read and Eric’s response has brought me to tears — good tears, but tears nonetheless.
I can comprehend and feel Eric’s words.
You, Cal and Oscar have a firm pillar in Eric … more tears, happy tears.
Although I intended to peruse your entire blog tonight, I have to cease now.
Keep writing Penya – your words, bravery and honesty are beautiful, powerful, emotionally upsetting, but so necessary and helpful and connecting.
I hope writing them is helpful to you as well.
(My grammar, typing, syntax and spelling are atrocious — this is the last time I shall acknowledge.)
I cried too. They were tears of shared pain but more importantly of happiness. Happiness over the woman, wife and mother you have become. I am so proud of you. You are a constant source of joy and a beacon to me. I love you. Dad
my tears were because i was feeling really happy. it felt awesome to let go of a belief that wasn’t helping me.